How can Negative plus Negative be Positive?

Scene One: It’s been almost 6 months since I wasn’t keeping well. The problems were of course breathtaking but when you don’t have control over something, you can’t do anything about it. Feeling sick is something like being in hell as we imagine the hell to be the worst place to live at. While writing my second book ‘A Romantic Horror Fiction’ one night I felt almost choked. If someone’s grandma would have heard this, she would have called it as a paranormal activity which according to her would have occurred because I was writing a horror book.

I felt as if my throat is congested and I was about to die. Gathering some strength I gulped some water down my throat and went out to the balcony to breathe some fresh air. I tried to inhale but the condition did not get well.

Next day morning, I visited a doctor and she named it as GERD – Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease. A kind of problem with your Digestion and excessive Acid Formation in the body which flows back the food and acid to your throat. I was quite surprised to know about this new term and accepted the medication provided by the doctor.

I have never felt such problem in my entire life but I had to accept that I had some issues with my body and started taking the medicines. The medication worked and I was alright once again. This clearly means that the Evil Spirit of my Book wasn’t troubling me anymore.


Scene Two: I started working on the book again and I felt something new this time. Chest Pain, Choking and I also got to hear some bubble burst sounds in my stomach. Damn, the GERD has become severe this time. The Grandma would have said, “The Evil Spirit has returned with her fellow Spirits to attack you”. My relatives suggested me a weather change and asked me to visit my hometown for few days or maybe few weeks. The doctor had suggested Thyroid test, Liver test and Blood tests but my mother asked me to not to get the tests done.

I moved to my hometown and thinking that the illness will go away. I was eating limited food and vegetables. I had stopped drinking Milk, Coffee and Cold Drinks as suggested by Google baba. The ‘Gharelu Nuskha’s’ (Homemade remedies) started and I started feeling better again.

The night I felt that it’s all fine now, I happened to feel something unimaginable. I felt as if I am unable to breathe. I got up from my bed and tried to inhale. My mom and dad looked at me and asked if I was alright. I couldn’t speak. “The Spirits gonna kill you if you don’t stop writing this book” I imagined the Grandma shouting at me. Dad got up and asked if he should take me to a doctor. I denied and called one of my friend Pravina Patel “A Doctor on call… wink”. She suggested me to take the PPI ‘Esomeprazole’ a capsule which settles the Acid reflux. I did the same and felt relaxed in the next few minutes.

Once I could gather some strength to look around, I noticed my mom and dad were constantly looking at me and were worried. The kind of feeling when you are on your death bed and your parents are begging the Almighty to spare you.

The very next day I happened to get some tests done which included Ultrasound and ECG. The reports indicated that I had 2 stones on my right kidney which had nothing to do with GERD and also the ECG readings were perfect. The fear of having a heart attack went away but the doctor suggested me few medicines which included a tablet for relaxing my mind ‘A medicine for anxiety’.

I worked on my daily schedule and I had to do everything that was required to get well. After almost one month, I felt good and got relieved of my illness. I could eat all my favorite dishes and could smile again.


Scene Three: I came back to Delhi and started working on the book again. While writing those last 6 chapters, I smiled and remembered how discouraged I had felt because of my illness. I wished that I never get the same illness again in my life.

While working as a freelance content writer for a company, I happened to give an interview in the same company for the post of full-time content writer and luckily I was selected. The joining date was close and I had to complete all the pending work before I start a new life. I met my best friend on the weekend, went for some shopping and tried to finish the last two chapters of the book.

The first day at the office day was exciting as expected and I was happy to get my dream job. I also decided that I would try my best to perform well in the company and make everyone happy with my work. The disciplined life started and a daily scheduled work was assigned to me. I smiled looking at my past and remembered how I hated to do work for someone else. Yes, I did not want to do a job but I don’t know how my life took a diversion and I started doing something which I never wanted to do.

At the weekends I finished writing my book and planned for its release and promotions. One day while working in the office, I felt as if the chest pain has reoccurred. The symptoms of GERD were reoccurring and I had to visit two doctors this time, a Gastroenterologist and an ENT Specialist to get my throat and the other problems cured. As expected all the reports showed that I was completely fine except some allergy in my throat which would have occurred due to Acid Reflux.

‘Damn! I think I will never be fit again. I have lost almost 8 kg’s of my body weight’ I thought and started taking the medicines once again. The allopathic medicines worked for 1 and a half month and when I discontinued, it all started once again. I left the hope to be fine again. The book which I had just completed was no more important to me. The dream job seemed to be a cage for me. My mind was occupied by the thoughts like ‘I am gonna die soon’.

One of my cousin, who is pursuing MBBS said that I was feeling everything to be negative due to anxiety. Anxiety, a starting stage of the mental illness. ‘Gosh! Really?’ I asked myself and felt as if I will never heal again. The chest pain seemed to be a heart problem, the throat choking issue seemed to be a panic attack and my mental condition was worsening. I was no more the motivational expert for my readers. I wasn’t even active enough on social media. Everything that I had created seemed to be worthless to me.

One fine day I visited the Homeopath Doctor after the last night’s panic attack. She suggested some medicines and most importantly I had to feel positive but despite keeping myself busy for the whole day, I couldn’t think positive.

I surfed the internet and searched ‘how to be positive’. I watched the videos of some renowned motivational speakers but unfortunately, nothing worked for me. While walking on some lone road I remember the mathematical formula ‘minus + minus = plus.

“If you will keep thinking negative, you may suffer from a heart attack,” I said to myself. “Even after suffering from a heart attack if you will keep thinking like this, you will suffer from another heart attack and eventually you will die”. Since the day I have said this to myself, I have started thinking that I should not think too much and let everything be in God’s hand.


Scene 4: The GERD is still there but it is negligible. Medicines are working slowly but I don’t think negative anymore. Pain is still there but it heals with the time. Most of the anxiety related issues are solved. I still feel choking sometimes but I keep myself busy with something interesting because of which the panic attack doesn’t bother me. I visit the GYM to exercise and release all my stress. I have started writing once again as it is the ultimate solution to my problems.

The best way is to keep smiling and enjoy the illness as it will make you stronger than ever 🙂

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